Things that go bump in the night…

…are really not that scary at all!

Hi All and Good Morning Everyone!

Coming to you live after a game of ping-pong hide and seek, and with not-so-rosied cheeks and full-wind in breath, there is no table, no ping-pong (or as the Chinese say “ping-pong”), a lot of hide, two paddles, we did seek and have plenty of balls. And that’s just life. The plan was perfect. The execution was sound. But something was missing: something crucial. You know what it is that’s missing, but you just cannot define it in words. You’re lost in thought, tongue tripping with every step on skipped breathes and utters of befuddlement. Then your mind starts to wander into a small nodule of thought, reminiscent of abyss leaving you alone, nervous and scared.

The unknown is scary because we cannot foresee what will happen when we interact with said unknown. We are literally taking a stab in the dark. Do you remember when you were afraid of the dark? Or the time you thought that a monster was outside of your bedroom door staring at you with its red-eye as you suffocate yourself to sleep under your sheets? When we’re young, we’re afraid of a lot. Our level of anxiety diminishes in age, as we become exposed to more colorful things. Or better yet, our fears are focused on other circumstances. We fear losing a job, being broke, not finding a job, losing a loved one, for some falling in love, for lack of a better word, we fear growing up. However, this is not always the case. I remember watching Stephen King’s It when I was 7. That stupid clown scared the crap out of me. Influenced by the movie or based simply on how they look, I still hate clowns. (Screw Ronald McDonald!) Am I scared of clowns? Of course not…I am a clown. But since movies were mentioned, we, your hosts September Thoughts and oflittleimportance, will talk about horror shows…eh hem…movies that we believe dropped the ball.

Oh to think about it
Oh to think about it baby (all the time)
Think about it all the time, funkin’ on your mind now
Feels so good it must be a crime

Our Rantings (In No Particular Order):

Movie 1:

What the hell was Troll 2? It was not even related to Troll. There’s not even a troll in the whole dang movie. (I’ve seen more trolls where I work than in this movie!) Let’s follow the Waits’ family summer vacation, living off the lands in Nilbog, a small farming community which looks peculiar spelt backwards. Echoing classic thrillers from cinema past, the son of the family is contacted by the ghost of his dead grandfather, who warns him of goblins: vegan goblins, which will eat humans if they are transformed into plants. Human-plants! That’s a new type of vegan! The next day, the family embarks for Nilbog: the family has expanded with additions of Elliot (the daughter’s boyfriend, who she fears is homosexual…classic writing), and Elliot’s friends. Along the way, the family also pickup a hitchhiker, who is actually the dead grandfather and tries to warn the son about the vegan goblins wanting to eat the family. Despite, the kid’s warnings, the family continue their journey. (Oh, the suspense!) At Nilbog, the local residents have prepared an all vegetable banquet for the family. Time stops. The son, Joshua, is warned about the goblins again. Time starts. Joshua jumps on the table and pees on the food. (Hahahaha! Cinematic masterpiece…reminds me of another Joshua I know.) I believe that there was a goblin chase in the next scene and the first sight of a person being transformed into plant-life. Oh and Creedence, the she-goblin leader, she makes her debut in the feature. Deaths ensue, sex, exploding corn, and more grandpa-Joshua interactions give a substantial amount of filler material. Skipping to the end, the key to kill the goblins was eating a bologna sandwich. Bologna! (And rightfully so.) This movie was bad and as scary as a baby laughing with her favorite toy with Sesame Street filling the background air on the television. Lessons learned: red corn syrup does not equal blood, goblin blood is green, if your family gets invited to a town where there is no relation or relative just don’t go or you’ll be hit with a whole lot of Lake Placid…which is a whole lot of crap, vegans can eat humans, people made Joshua like to pee everywhere, corn kills, and bologna saves. (Bologna actually makes me gag…goblin!)

Movie #2:

We can’t have a family without a house: a House of Wax. A rehash of the 1953 film, with the hottest stars in young-Hollywood, Elisa Cuthbert (Old School and The Girl Next Door), Jared Padalecki (no clue) (how can you not know him, he’s on Supernatural and used to be on Gilmore Girls), Paris Hilton (who became famous despite not having any real talent other than spending her parent’s money) (didn’t she become famous because of a sex tape?)(I just know Paris Hilton from the hotel chain and South Park) and her boyfriend played by someone. You must forgive me. I do not remember the beginning, but a car breaks down, the couples split up and eventually Elisa and Jared arrive at a small town where they visit a wax museum made of wax and find a mechanic. The mechanic kills Jared and turns him into a wax statue by placing his dead body into a chair with a crazy head contraption that looks like something Princess Amidala had on but with pins that go through the entire skull and a faceplate made of needles which pin open the eyes. The body is waxed by a literal shower of boiling hot wax. Exciting!

That’s all for now…Until next time! Keep watching!